Friday, December 5, 2014

Put Your Cock Away Now Please

‘Look mum,’ my four [almost five] year old told me. ‘It looks like a peacot.’

‘A what?, I asked distractedly.

‘She means a peacock,’ the seven year said pointedly.

‘Yes. A peacot,’ Curly Mop said pointing at the fan she had splayed out in front of her and was now swivelling in her hand. Yes, it did look like a peacock, I had to admit, but what the hell was with her pronunciation, I thought.

‘Peacock,’ I said clearly.

‘Peacot,’ she replied.

‘Peacock,’ I said louder, because everyone knows that will work.

‘Peacot,’ she replied.

‘K’ I said, getting my crankypants on. ‘Say k’.

‘K’, she responded.

‘Peacock.’

‘Peacot.’

Grrrrrr.

‘Say sock,’ I beg.

‘Sock.’

‘Dock.’

‘Dock.’

‘Good,’ I respond. ‘Say lock.’

‘Lock,’ she replies.

‘Cock.’

‘Cot.’

 ‘Cock, say cock! It’s cock,’ I practically shout in her face, not thinking all about what I am yelling at the top of my lungs.

‘Cot,’ she yells back.

Grrrr

‘It’s cock. Why can’t you say cock? It’s just COCK.’

Then that part of my brain – which should have been functioning long before now – wakes up and tells me to stop shouting obscene words in my daughter’s face.

‘Don’t you think it looks like a Peacot Mummy?’


‘Yes. Yes I do. Now put it away please.’

8 comments:

  1. Just embrace those cute mispronunciations. My daughter used to call salami "la-laama-li". I'm a bit sad that she knows how to say it properly now, because it was so adorable.

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    1. You are absolutely right, and the day any of my daughters pronounce cock correctly and in context, is the day I die a little inside.

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  2. oh my goodness, I have a fit of the giggles and the hubby just went red in the face laughing while the 12 year old is desperate to take a look at the computer screen (I won't let her! I'm not willing to go there yet!)

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  3. Sorry about that Little Gumnut... Hope your daughter didn't get to the computer screen :-)

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  4. Lovely, funny blog, Shannon. Thanks for the laugh. It reminded me that my youngest son had a problem saying "tr" at the beginning of truck. It was interesting that he didn't call trees 'fees' or treats 'feats'. His speech was a serious embarrassment to his older sisters for a while.

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  5. THIS! With my 4 year old. All the time. Just...brilliant! Thanks so much for articulating it :) Amazingly funny!

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  6. We just had this exact issue in Bali with cocktails. For some reason (well, because first he learnt about mocktails, and called them moptails) he was saying coptails. So of course I found myself doing exactly as you did!

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    1. And you would have been in public too, only adding to the humiliation...

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